Email Disputes:
How to Avoid Conflict Escalation
Most of us would agree that trying to manage conflict through email can be disastrous. Instead of helping to solve problems, email can cause disputes to escalate.
According to a recent study by Raymond Friedman and Steven Curral, some of the benefits of email are responsible for its tendency to escalate conflict.
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Email is asynchronous, which means you can read and reply to messages at your convenience. But reading in isolation, without the corrective feedback and clarification we’d get in a telephone or face-to-face exchange, means misunderstandings can easily arise. When this happens, the latter parts of a message are read in the context of these misunderstandings, and conflict is created.
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Email is a great equalizer — everyone is accessible. Email exchanges depend less on the awareness of status and social ties than on pure logic and ideas. Also, because we write email in isolation, it’s an asocial activity. This makes it easy to forget the humanness of our recipient. Consequently, email style tends to be more serious and less friendly, more aggressive and less polite.
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Email is reviewable and revisable. We can thoughtfully review emails we receive and revise ones we send. But knowing a writer has thought through a message we perceive as negative can make a problem seem bigger. And when we carefully craft our response, we tend to have greater psychological investment in our arguments and become more entrenched in our positions.
When conflict arises, it’s far better to talk things out on the phone or face to face. If this is impossible due to space or time restraints here are some reminders:
- Be aware that some perceived insults are unintended. The other party may be acting without feedback or social cues, and with too much time to ruminate.
- Watch for enhanced aggressiveness and check your own responses.
- Remember that your responses can also be interpreted as being more aggressive than intended—reread before sending and anticipate your reader’s reaction.
- Remind yourself of your relationship with the other party. Include reminders of this relationship in your message.
- Avoid being hyper-rational. Remember that differences are resolved using emotion and relationships—not just logic.
Read the original study here.
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